Sometimes I like to stand in the shower with my clothes on and pretend I’m in a submarine that’s been hit.

Since I heard about this on the news, I have had sex with a shop vac more than my wife. 3 months and it still swallows.

I miss my mullet . . . and Billy Squiers.

As the disease slowly eats your body I want to run away. I'm just not strong enough to be there to watch as you fade away in pain.

I haven't had sex in over three years, since my divorce. I'm afraid I'd be bad at it and that no one would want me even though I'm nice looking.